Thursday, October 20, 2011

Three New Things

I would like to introduce you to two new things in my life:
Nursing School and ADD.
Nursing school is quite a challenge. It is highly disorganized, and the expectations are not always clear. Both of which are very difficult for my personality to deal with. It takes up so much of my time, and is extremely demanding. I am learning the meanings of late nights studying and early mornings of clinicals and long days of class time. But the truth is, I know I am meant for this. When I get to work with my patients and feel like I am truely helping them, I feel whole and happy. And I love my nursing class. We have developed into quite an odd family. Shared experiences in class and clinicals, inside jokes, tears, laugher, long talks, huddled study times...They are very dear to me. I don't want to lose any of them. I kinda feel that I would be losing a part of myself.
ADD is kind of a feared thing. But honestly, I am very relieved to discover that I have it. I only recently suspected that I might have it, and saw a doctor on Wednesday. The doctor does think I have it and is sending me for testing. Many things about me and in my life begin to make much more sense in light of ADD. I see the symptoms manifesting themselves far back into my past. They have gotten much worse in the past four years, sending me from the Deans' List my first semester to barely passing in some of my current classes. I am very excited that I may be able to concentrate better and study better with the help of medicine. I am so ready to "thrive, not just survive." I am also hoping that this diagnosis will help me in my relationship with the Lord. Maybe now I can focus during times with the Lord, and maybe I will be slightly more motivated to engage God in the first place...
I am thankful for this season. It is beautiful. God is calling me to rely on his strength. More often than not I try to ignore his voice, thinking, "I got this, I can make it on my own." But my God is willing to call out louder to his children. And in this season, he is calling me. Calling me to be his own, to get to know him, to become holy like him, to trust him, to think of the hard times as joyful times because I get to be closer to him. Pray for me in this season. Pray that my eyes will be turned from my own concerns to knowing and becoming like God. Pray that I will give thanks for the bad and the good, and refuse to grumble about anything. Pray that I will be able to focus on school and give it my best so that God will be glorified. Pray that as I have less and less time to spend with dear friends, I will be content, knowing that God is taking care of them, even when I don't feel like I get to.